Today is the 75^th anniversary of a letter containing a story that I find eminently charming. It tells us in quite humourous terms about the absorption of the mind in prayer—the power of the love of the living God in the lives of his little ones.

To Brother Andrew, CSsR
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J. M. J. A. T.

22 May 1949

Dear Brother Andrew,

It’s amazing! You are really clever! Hearing of what you are doing made me shiver: you are driving the car; you had better be careful, if not you will have an accident as happened to a certain driver the other day who died. You take the motor to town every day…! And how many other things still. Be careful my friend, alright? When I say I shivered I speak evidently in my imagination, since myself when I go to town, it is only on bicycle and very often things happen… amusing adventures.

Moreover, I am giving you this advice when you go into town: you must be very attentive, I mean do not be immersed in deep meditation, as happened to me several times to my misfortune. So, from now on, when I go to town on my bicycle, beforehand, when I go to the oratory to ask Jesus blessing, I have to force myself to adopt a nonchalant air so as to avoid that the intimacy with which Jesus gives me his blessing does not make me feel its effect as far as the town. In acting in this way, with an air of not having any intimacy with Jesus, my intention is to avoid being distracted, as happened more than once, as when I was already in town and I believed I was still sitting peacefully on my bench in the oratory…! Because of that it happened to me once, and even many times that I had funny adventures on the road. I will tell you of one to help you to be on your guard.

One afternoon, when I had gone to town; I do not know on what business, I was returning to the house and I could not have been happier! My mind was probably in the clouds-perhaps also because I was chatting intimately with Jesus-and I pedalled without knowing too well where I was at. Suddenly, I saw vaguely in front of me some people who were walking four abreast in the middle of the road. You know well the width of this road which stretches from the coconut market to Hàng Bột. However, they marched in ranks of four although there were only four of them. I had hardly noticed them, me being behind them, for they were going in the same direction as me. I was afraid. I wanted to ring the bell, but, alas, there was not one. I hurried to apply the brakes, once again a problem! You know the state of the bicycles at the Thái-Hà community. I was really frightened, it was impossible for me to get out of it: If I turn to the right I fall on the track of the electric trams, if I turn to the left I hit the fourth person. I therefore cried out “Xe [i.e., vehicle]”!,’ resigning myself to land on the tram lines; I had, unfortunately, not the time to do so, as my bicycle turned suddenly on the person who was marching near it. I fell to the ground. I do not know if I felt any pain, all I do know is that the lady I had struck did not stop whistling between her teeth to express her annoyance. I got up quickly, both bothered and a little unhappy, but I was able to contain myself immediately. It was not possible for me, a religious, to argue with a young woman in the street. Really that would have been…

I remained calm therefore, although I would have had reason to reproach them. I hurriedly apologised to the young lady asking her if she had been hurt. She replied by muttering in her teeth, reproaching me for this and that. Her three friends joined her to complain… I did have a little consolation, the three young ladies, in spite of everything, in speaking to me favoured me with the title of sir [i.e., a Vietnamese term usually used for men in their forties or older, thus showing respect]. It was not too bad, after this adventure, to be called sir. I allowed them to get things off their chests and then remounted my bicycle. But the young ladies continued: has sir learnt to ride a bicycle? So, is sir blind? As for me, back down to earth, I questioned myself to determine the cause of this amusing adventure. I remember very well that my eyes were wide open. I would never dare close my eyes as the little girl of Lisieux once did. But, nevertheless I hit someone whilst riding the bicycle on the road. Although I reflected a lot all the way back to the house, I could not find any explanation. It is only later that I remembered this: in pass- ing in front of the church of Hàng Bột, inadvertently I took off my hat to salute Jesus in a very intimate manner, so that, throughout the journey, my mind was wandering all over the place…! I did not stop reproaching Jesus, and after that I paid great attention. But alas! My Brother, there remains the rest of the journey to finish.

Sometimes, even if I pay attention, it happens that my mind wanders here and there. I remember now that at the beginning of the month of May, the Master of Novices sent me to buy some medicaments and some fans for the novitiate. Going there, all went well, but on my return, I was really ashamed and I will tell you why. Without being aware of it, I was really happy seeing that it was already the month of May so that I did not at all believe that I was about to ride a bicycle in the town; rather, I had the impression of being very close to the Blessed Virgin, expressing to her my closest feelings, not in the usual terms, but in a selective manner, even trying hard to com- pose some verses to chat with her. Because of this my soul was all the more absorbed in her. However, the Blessed Virgin did not reply a single word to me. She was probably more attentive than I; whilst allowing me to speak, she was looking in silence to see that I did not collide with any car.

In spite of that, I was on the look out for someone selling fans, since I had already bought the medicaments and I was heading back. Having arrived at the southern gate I saw a young lady who was selling precisely those. I called her to buy some. “Young lady, how much are your fans?”

“Two piasters each.”

“I would like a dozen please, that’s 24 piasters.”

She thought for a moment and said to me: “that’s too much, in fact I sell them for one piaster each.” Then she selected a dozen for me. I handed her a 20 piaster note, put the fans in my bag and I calmly remounted my bicycle to leave. Fortunately, this young lady who was a Catholic, called me, laugh- ing, to give me back 8 piasters … I was a bit ashamed, but I considered this thing as normal because I forget easily By mistake she gave me back 2 notes of 5 piasters and then a note of 3 piasters. Instead of giving her a 5 piaster note I continued to hold my hand out, waiting for her to give me another 3 piasters. Unable to stop herself from laughing she said to me: “You are very funny my brother; you are the one who should give me something…”

This story makes it clear that I was a very stupid religious, and the young non-Catholic ladies who saw me act in such a way have not missed the opportunity to talk about it for a laugh. As for me, striving to remain calm to hide my embarrassment I got back on my bicycle and began to pedal quite quickly to get out of this embarrassing situation…! And then, whilst sighing, I complained to the Blessed Virgin that my intimacy with her had made me even forget what was going on around me.

My Brother, I sometimes had this stupid thought: if things continue in this way perhaps I will be hit by a car, or hit a car myself and die in the middle of the road. There are still several other adventures and when I think of them I have to laugh. However, I remain in peace knowing well that for he who loves God no matter what kind of death may arise, he accepts it willingly.

Moreover, since the love of my heart seems to melt itself into the prevailing atmosphere, it happens that I unite myself to God as easily as I breathe. Often I see nothing which is unusual and I do not know for what reason I would be watchful when I find myself thus in the middle of the road, since, even if I died crushed right in the road I would not be less happy than to die on my sick bed in the midst of the confreres of the community, a death which the saints would consider as being a very sweet death!

Having arrived at this juncture in my letter you will see, my Brother, that I must lengthen it and add yet another sheet. I do not know if I will have enough material to fill it, or if I have so much that I will be forced to add a fourth sheet. That depends on the feelings which someone arouses in my heart. If this Someone allows me to speak little, my feelings are simple, but if he allows me to speak a lot, he arouses in me warm sentiments and I, I am only the pen that he holds in his hand to write that which he really wishes that I write, even if this writing should stretch to a thousand sheets, pro- vided that I allow my fingers to run freely on the paper.

Dear Brother Andrew, do you know in what state I find myself at this time? I do not wish to reply to such a question. All I ask of you is to pray for me as you would for someone who has not got the faith…! I do not know what will become of me. This year, after three years of temporary vows, I still want to renew my vows, but…I do not know…! I do not know if we will meet, both of us, at the second novitiate.

On hearing me speak in this way, do not think I am on the point of returning to the world; there is no question of that! At this time the world holds no interest for me; I live, but, in reality, I am as if dead…!

Do you understand? I hear continually that the novitiate will be at such or such a place; but I, I have always imprinted in my mind this thought which makes me believe that my tomb will be in the Thái-hà-Áp monastery. I do not know how that will happen, but I am trying to wait to see if this thought conforms to the truth or if it comes from my wandering mind which, for some time, focuses on things which would not be true.

Whatever may be, I believe, nevertheless, that all the thoughts which come to my mind come from my dear Jesus who has prompted them. Furthermore, being a little petal that little Thérèse has caused to rain on the soil of Vietnam, I am sure that my life will be short. As you have experi- enced, a tree in flower can still live a long life; a flower can also be exposed for a fairly long time to admiring glances, but for the petal which has fallen from a flower there is no other fate than that of fading rapidly. Now, I am the petal of this flower!

Later, from the day when I was able to see the stages of my life unfold, I realised that my life on this earth would be very short…” In fact at the time of writing these words to you I feel in good health, as usual; externally, I have no precise illness.

I am asking you to pray for me, not because you would be afraid to see me die, or help me prepare for death; but with the sole intention of helping me to live joyfully, since I have a great need of joy.

It is often said of me that I am frivolous, that I do not know how to reffect or that I never experience sadness. And yet, my Brother, I find that I am not joyful enough and I am afraid that the lines of my face allow too much of my my internal sufferings to appear. Because of that I make an effort to ask the Blessed Virgin to give me enough joy to not allow my internal sufferings to appear.

On hearing me speak like this do not go so far as to think that I am enduring at this time sorrowful trials that God sends to souls who live in a deep intimacy with him, and that I feel a bitterness so deep that I feel the need to express it externally. No, dear Brother, it is not like that. All the sorrows and all the sadness I have endured and that I still bear, I think it will be impossible for me to describe them by pen or by word. God alone knows them. Consequently, the reason why I speak to you of them is this: amongst the confreres of the community I consider myself as being your little, very close brother, there is therefore nothing which prevents us com- municating the one to the other certain intimate or sorrowful feelings. It is also for this reason that I am asking you to keep secret the things I have just written to you, as I have done myself in not communicating them to anyone.

Finally, my very dear Brother, allow me to give you a kiss with the pretty lips of little Jesus in the arms of Mary. Come close to receive this kiss since in writing this sentence I have placed my lips on the lips of Jesus, the Beloved of my heart.

Your little brother,
J. M. T. Marcel, CSsR

Source: Marcel Van, Correspondence, trans. Jack Keogan, Complete Works 3 (Versailles: Amis de Van Éditions, 2018), 203–208.