The silence, so much commended by wise men of old, does not refer so much to a literal use of few words, as to not using many useless words… An excessive reserve and stiffness, which stands aloof from familiar friendly conversation, is untrusting, and implies a certain sort of contemptuous pride; while an incessant chatter and babble, leaving no opportunity for others to put in their word, is frivolous and troublesome.
Saint Francis de Sales
The Silence of Wise Men of Old
1–2 minutes
One response to “The Silence of Wise Men of Old”
-
I suppose it depends on context. When I am with my dear mother-in-law, who has dementia, I’m always the one to do the most talking. It was never that way before the dementia. She would happily chatter away about anything and everything. Nowadays I do the talking to put her at her ease, because she can’t manage much conversation any more but I want her to feel as ‘normal’ as possible. And some people chatter out of nervous habit – women perhaps more so than men. My son has autism and he will talk (seemingly) endlessly on whatever his obsessions are (currently radio frequencies and light fittings). He has taught me patience (most of the time) and gentleness (the most challenging thing with him is how to explain God to someone who has no concept of metaphor). With him, as with my other children, despite the fact I’m not necessarily personally interested in what they have to say, e.g. light fittings, or football or shoes, it is important to listen, and to respond appropriately.
Similarly, I have a friend who people find irritating/annoying because she goes on and on about whatever is uppermost in her mind, but I try very hard to just listen. Underneath the talk, talk, talk is a guile-free personality and a steadfast faith. Also, she has never been married and has lived alone for many years, so of course if she gets the chance to talk it all comes spilling out.
In short, listening and making people feel valued is part and parcel of not speaking too much or too little – and it takes practise. I think it will take a lifetime!
Contemplative in the Mud 